I hope this can be a reference to
anyone who wishes to adopt. Adoption, just like
pregnancy/child-birth, is an emotional journey, and I want to share
the knowledge that I have gained with anyone who is thinking about
adoption. Before I start, I would like to state that I am THE
HAPPIEST mom of two lovely kids!
If you are reading my blog, I guess you
are thinking about having a child of your own.
When we started off on this journey, it
was such a NEW feeling and thought. It was (is) not a common word!
The only thing that helped us kick-start our journey was one of our
dear friends had adopted! They have helped us so much that we can
never thank them enough! Not everyone will have friends/family who
have adopted kids. So I want this to be a friendly guide to people.
I just want one to be prepared and know
as much as possible about “adoption”.
There are 2 kinds of people who choose
to adopt – 1. People whose first choice is adoption, who want to
have kids only thru adoption. 2. People whose 2nd choice
is adoption, who decide to go thru adoption because they could not
have kids biologically.
The first step in this journey is to
DECIDE to adopt. This may not be an easy task. If you are a couple,
then both the partners have to be sure (100% theoretically). Once the
husband and wife are sure, they need to make sure both their parents
are supportive. Grandparents are a huge part of a child's growth and
hence this is equally important.
If you are single, you need to be 100%
sure that you are ready to raise a kid.
So how does one decide? How can one be
100% sure?
As I mentioned earlier, there are 2
kinds of people who choose adoption. If you belong to the first
category, then you have already decided and it is easy!
If you are of the second category, then
the question of how to decide comes up. Of course I cannot speak for
everyone, so I will just state what we went thru and how we decided.
We tried to have kids biologically –
tried everything from A to Z, the doctors said everything seemed
fine, but they were not sure why we could not have kids biologically.
We were so ready to raise a kid. We had 2 options - We could just
keep on trying to have a kid biologically, OR just decide to have a
kid. We chose to HAVE A KID.
I honestly believe that each family is
destined to have n number of kids, the way the kid/s enter a family
may differ depending on whether you have the kids biologically or
thru adoption.
Now the question of being 100% sure
about our decision to adopt. As you will read in the coming
paragraphs, adoption has lot of aspects to it, it is a lengthy and
detailed process. So naturally we will get lot of thoughts and doubts
in our mind. The minute we decided to adopt, I told myself that I
would not think too much about the process, or about the baby, as I
was very sure about ONE thing – the moment the baby enters our
life, the moment I hold the baby in my hand, I will have NO DOUBT –
and this came TRUE.
From day 1, our kids have become a part
of our family/love/soul :)
I have seen people who want to have
kids only thru biological means struggle emotionally and physically.
It is very difficult to let go, and decide to adopt. But just sit
back, take a break from the hospital-visits, and give adoption a
thought. I am only saying this to ensure that people do not lose out
on enjoying parenthood. I honestly do not see ANY difference between
a biological child and an adopted child. One can trust me on that,
because we have adopted 2 amazing babies and we LOVE them like crazy.
Once you decide to go thru adoption,
before you start anything, before you even search for an agency,
learn one major thing – PATIENCE :) Of course patience is required
for everything in life. But you need it more in this case, and your
adoption journey will be very smooth if you have patience!
In our case, once we decided to adopt,
our family on both sides were very supportive. In case the parents on
any side are not in favor of adoption, it is best to wait and
convince them before proceeding with adoption. This is because, in
the future it may have a negative impact on the child. Imagine one of
the grandparent being distant or passing a negative remark towards
the child. So best is to get both side grandparents on board.
Now comes choosing the adoption agency.
A good thing about this is that there is one central place where all
the agencies in India are supposed to register and abide by the rules
stated by this central body. It is called CARA (Central Adoption
Resource Authority) and their website is as follows -
adoptionindia.nic.in
All the
registered agencies are listed here with the contact details, from
all over the state.
The way we chose our adoption agency
was by hearing everything about the agency from our friends who had
already adopted a kid from this place. So it was an easy choice for
us, as we were fully satisfied with the way this agency operated. The
only glitch being it was in a different state from where we lived. We
did a bit of research on other local agencies and on few other
out-of-the-state agencies. But we stuck with our first choice since
we realized it was perfect for us.
So the first step is to login to the
CARA website, and register for adoption. As part of the registration
process, one has to choose the adoption agency. I would suggest that
one visit the agency, and talk to the social worker in the agency
before registering. One can go ahead and register online, only if
they feel satisfied about the agency. Once the registration on CARA
website is complete, please contact (call) the adoption agency where
you just registered.
When we registered for our first child,
the rules were different. We did not have to register on CARA
website. We sent out an email to our agency expressing our interest
to adopt a child from their agency. They responded immediately and we
were asked to fill a detailed application form and send it back to
the agency. After the agency scrutinized the document, we were given
the list of documents that we had to send, and few more forms to
fill. This took sometime. After we sent everything, the agency
registered our names. The first thing we wanted to know was when we
will be called to see the child. And they informed us that the
waiting period was around 18 months! The reason being, availability
of child, and the number of parents who wanted to adopt.
Below are the documents that we had to
send to the agency:
- Application form (basic information about ourselves, and about our expectations from the prospective child.)
- Self assessment form separate for husband and wife (this document talks about our childhood, our family, our personality etc)
- Income certificate for both parents
- Investment certificates
- Health reports (medical certificate)
- HIV report
- Statement on adoption (jointly written by husband and wife indicating the reason for not having biological child, and the reason they chose adoption)
- Reference letters from 3 friends
- Marriage certificate
- Birth date proof
- Education/degree certificates
- Undertaking Letter (on a Rs.100 stamp paper, to be given by a relative couple younger than 40 years, stating that they will take care of the child, if anything happens to the parents)
- Police clearance certificate for both (to be obtained from police commissioner's office of that city)
- Child care plans
- Photograph (of home, and of the couple)
- Registration fee (Rs.200)
The police clearance certificate takes
some time, so we sent all the documents except this. The Police
Commissioner's office sent the police certificate directly to our
agency.
Once the registration process was done,
our agency mentioned that we had to attend a “parent preparation
workshop” which was mandatory. I really hope that all the agencies
in India conduct such workshops and I hope CARA makes these kind of
workshops mandatory for prospective parents wishing to adopt.
It was a very enlightening one-day
workshop! It was very very useful and it helped us gain a lot more
confidence in adoption! There were around 10 other couples who
attended the workshop with us. Initially they walked us thru the
whole process that they follow. They mentioned how a child enters the
adoption agency, and what happens after a child enters the agency,
till the child is placed with a family. They quizzed us about what we
thought influenced a child's nature. They had the doctor from the
agency talk about babies, and the kind of tests they do once a child
arrives at the agency. Basically the workshop clarified ALL our
doubts.
There are 2 ways a child can enter any
adoption agency – relinquished or abandoned. Relinquished means the
child was voluntarily given by the parents or mother to the agency
due to their personal circumstances. Abandoned means the child was
found by someone, somewhere, and brought to the agency. In either
case, there is a rule to wait for minimum of 3 months before the
child is made legally available for adoption. In the former case, the
agency waits for 3 months for the biological parents to change their
mind, in case they want to take back the child. In the latter case,
the agency waits for 3 months for the biological parent to be found
before they pronounce the child ready for adoption.
One can choose if they want a
relinquished child or an abandoned child. In case of a relinquished
child, one will get to know the medical history of the child from
birth.
While filling out the application form,
or during the adoption interview, the agency will ask few basic
things that we are looking for in the prospective child. One needs to
be clear on what is important to them in a child and make that known
to the agency. Few things one may consider are -
-do you want a healthy child or a child
with special needs?
-do you want a boy or a girl?
-do you want a relinquished child or an
abandoned child?
-the age of the child?
-do you want to know the caste of the
child, and if yes, do you have any preference in caste?
-do you have a preference with respect
to the skin color?
After attending the workshop, the next
big step was the “home-study report”. As I mentioned earlier, for
our first kid, the process was different and fairly simpler. The
agency wrote directly to the local agency here in our city, and so we
just got a call one day form the local agency saying that we have to
visit them regarding the “homestudy report”. We visited the
agency in our city, and had to submit another set of all the
documents that I have mentioned above. After that, the local agency
gave us a date when they would visit our home. They visited our house
on the planned date, and we had a brief interview with the social
worker. After the visit, the local agency sent the “homestudy
report” directly to our agency in the other state. The fees for the
home visit was Rs.5000.
We kept checking with our agency on the
waiting period. As I mentioned, patience is the only saviour :) After
exactly 19 months from the date of registration we got the CALL! I
was working full time then. We were not sure whether to be excited or
nervous. Though we got the call from the agency saying that we were
top on the waiting list, and that we should visit the agency for an
interview and later may be see a child, there was no guarantee that
we would choose/decide a child right then. The social workers in this
agency are amazing people. The social worker who was handling our
case told me one thing that I can never forget – just think that
the labor pain has started now, and the delivery is going to happen
soon – writing and thinking about that day is making me emotional!!
My husband and I hurriedly booked the
tickets, and informed at work that we had applied for adoption and we
have to go on leave for few days. It was best to tell the truth at
work. We had no idea how many days it would take, because if we did
not choose any child, then we would be back home in just few days.
But if we decided to adopt a child, then it would take around 10 days
because of the legalities involved.
We visited the agency, and had lengthy
discussions with the social worker about the whole process and our
expectations. The first half of the day went by, and they mentioned
that they would propose a child that afternoon. We were really
nervous; we had a quick lunch at a nearby place and went back to the
agency.
It was THE day we met our first kid!!
After the baby is shown, the agency
shows the parents the medical file of the child which contains all
the medical history of the child, from birth (if the child is
relinquished), including all the tests conducted, immunization
details and any illnesses since birth. The parents are also allowed
to do any medical tests or get a second opinion from a paediatrician
for the baby outside the agency, if needed.
Once the baby is chosen by the parents,
the parents are required to fill out few documents, and it usually
takes around 4-5 days to file for adoption in the court. Once the
case is filed, the baby is given to the parents along with a legal
document stating the parents as “foster parents”. After this, the
parents can take the child home.
The parents have to send progress
report of the child every 15 days to the agency till the court
hearing.
Post adoption study report – this
happens after the case is filed in the court, and before the court
hearing. The post adoption study is done by a local agency, where
they come to the house to see how the new child is doing in the new
house, whether the child has adopted well, etc. The local agency
sends the progress report to the agency directly, and the agency has
to submit this report to the court.
It took roughly around 3-4 months for
the actual court hearing. This happens in front of the judge, in the
judge’s chamber usually, where the parents bring the child to be
adopted, and once this is done, the parents become the legal parents
of the child, and the adoption process is complete!
After the court hearing, the court
gives the document stating the parents and child as legally adopted.
After this the parents apply for the birth certificate. The parents
have to send a lengthy progress report for the child once every 3
months to the agency, to the court and to ICSW (Indian Council of
Social Welfare).
The above mentioned process was for our
first child.
We always wanted to have 2 kids, so we
decided to go ahead and register for our 2nd child once
our first one was little older. One would think that adopting a 2nd
child would be very easy, as we had already gone thru the process
once. But it was more complicated and lengthy as CARA had changed few
rules. They have made new rules for inter-state adoption.
As mentioned earlier, now the first
step is to register on CARA website: adoptionindia.nic.in
Then choose the agency. After the
registration is complete, call the agency you have chosen and talk to
the social worker about the process. It will take some time to send
all the documents required to the agency. Once you submit the
documents to the agency, the same documents have to be uploaded on
the CARA website as well.
After submitting all the documents, one
has to wait for the home-study to be completed. With the new rules,
for any inter-state adoption, SARA comes into picture. SARA is the
state body in charge of each state.
After 8 months from the date we
registered for our 2nd kid, we got a mail form our agency
stating that CARA has laid down new policies for inter-state
adoption. So we were asked to register online on the CARA website,
and then contact our local SARA to refer our case to the SARA of the
state in which our agency was based. We contacted our local SARA and
requested them to start the home-study process. They mentioned that
they were not going to initiate anything till they received a request
from the other state SARA. Our agency mentioned that the other state
SARA was not going to send any request. The new rules were laid by
CARA, but no one seemed to know the exact rules. We had such a tough
time coordinating between 2 state’s SARA offices. Finally our
agency gave us the contact info of the outside state SARA. I had to
call them many times and explain everything, and finally they agreed
to send a request to our local SARA asking them to initiate the home
study process.
After close to 2 months from when we
got an email from our agency regarding the new rules, the outside
state SARA sent a letter to our local SARA. After that we had to
follow up with our local SARA to start the process; they referred our
case to ACA (Adoption Coordinating Agency), who do the actual home
visit and they send the report to SARA. Again this whole process took
sometime, and needed follow-ups at every stage.
April 7 – got the mail form our
agency about the new rule, and asking us to initiate the home-study.
May 21 – Outside state SARA sent
letter to local SARA
July 24 - ACA sent the report to local
SARA
August 12 - local SARA said they sent
the report to outside state SARA thru speed post.
We waited till August end, and later
called our agency to check if they had received our home-study
report. They said they were still waiting to get the report from the
outside state SARA.
Every month I used to check with our
agency on the home-study report. Our agency mentioned that they are
following up with the outside state SARA closely. We had no idea why
it was taking so long for the outside state SARA to send the report
to the agency which was in the same city.
November 10 – After lot of phone
calls from me to the outside state SARA and our local SARA, I got to
know that the outside state SARA had not received our home-study
report!! Our original home-study report was lost!
Finally, I personally had to visit the
ACA office, who had done our home study report, collect another copy
of the report, hand it over to local SARA, and get it couriered to
our agency directly.
The less said about our experience the
better. It took us 7 months to get our home-study report!!
2 months after that, we got a call from
the agency saying our waiting period was over! The same joy took over
us, one of labor pain :D. We hurriedly booked our tickets, packed
and took our little one along with us. The rest of the procedure was
the same. After the morning lengthy discussions with the social
worker, we were shown our 2nd baby :) After we decided to
adopt the child, we had to wait 5-6 days in the same city, before we
could file for adoption in the court, and the same day we left with
our 2 lil babies back home :)
We had to complete the post adoption study before the court hearing. We had to initiate the process with our local ACA, who had done our home-study earlier. This was done and the ACA sent the report to our agency directly.
This time it took 6 months, before
we got a date for the court hearing. We met the judge during the
court hearing with our 2 kids, and the legal procedure was completed.
Now we are the HAPPIEST PARENTS of 2
most adorable children :) :)
Kindly Note:
Since August 1st, 2015, the processes have changed. To give a summary, the prospective parent has to register online like before on the CARA website and upload the required documents. During the registration process, one has to choose the preferred state from which they want to adopt or can choose any state in India. The second point is choosing an agency to complete the Home Study Report. For this category, one has to choose a local agency where they are residing.
The second major difference is that, after the homestudy is completed, prospective parents will receive an email with details of 6 children along with their photos and medical/any other history of the child, based on the preferences given during registration. The prospective parent has to select/reserve one child out of the 6 kids.
Kindly refer to the CARA new guidelines link for details : http://cara.nic.in/InnerContent.aspx?Id=163#Guidelines%20-%202015
Since the guidelines are new, it is best to call the CARA helpline number, which I have heard is good in responding to queries. Here is the number: 1800-11-1311
