Our Adoption Journey

I hope this can be a reference to anyone who wishes to adopt. Adoption, just like pregnancy/child-birth, is an emotional journey, and I want to share the knowledge that I have gained with anyone who is thinking about adoption. Before I start, I would like to state that I am THE HAPPIEST mom of two lovely kids!

If you are reading my blog, I guess you are thinking about having a child of your own.

When we started off on this journey, it was such a NEW feeling and thought. It was (is) not a common word! The only thing that helped us kick-start our journey was one of our dear friends had adopted! They have helped us so much that we can never thank them enough! Not everyone will have friends/family who have adopted kids. So I want this to be a friendly guide to people.

I just want one to be prepared and know as much as possible about “adoption”.

There are 2 kinds of people who choose to adopt – 1. People whose first choice is adoption, who want to have kids only thru adoption. 2. People whose 2^nd choice is adoption, who decide to go thru adoption because they could not have kids biologically.

The first step in this journey is to DECIDE to adopt. This may not be an easy task. If you are a couple, then both the partners have to be sure (100% theoretically). Once the husband and wife are sure, they need to make sure both their parents are supportive. Grandparents are a huge part of a child's growth and hence this is equally important.

If you are single, you need to be 100% sure that you are ready to raise a kid.

So how does one decide? How can one be 100% sure?

As I mentioned earlier, there are 2 kinds of people who choose adoption. If you belong to the first category, then you have already decided and it is easy!

If you are of the second category, then the question of how to decide comes up. Of course I cannot speak for everyone, so I will just state what we went thru and how we decided.

We tried to have kids biologically – tried everything from A to Z, the doctors said everything seemed fine, but they were not sure why we could not have kids biologically. We were so ready to raise a kid. We had 2 options - We could just keep on trying to have a kid biologically, OR just decide to have a kid. We chose to HAVE A KID.

I honestly believe that each family is destined to have n number of kids, the way the kid/s enter a family may differ depending on whether you have the kids biologically or thru adoption.

Now the question of being 100% sure about our decision to adopt. As you will read in the coming paragraphs, adoption has lot of aspects to it, it is a lengthy and detailed process. So naturally we will get lot of thoughts and doubts in our mind. The minute we decided to adopt, I told myself that I would not think too much about the process, or about the baby, as I was very sure about ONE thing – the moment the baby enters our life, the moment I hold the baby in my hand, I will have NO DOUBT – and this came TRUE.

From day 1, our kids have become a part of our family/love/soul :)

I have seen people who want to have kids only thru biological means struggle emotionally and physically. It is very difficult to let go, and decide to adopt. But just sit back, take a break from the hospital-visits, and give adoption a thought. I am only saying this to ensure that people do not lose out on enjoying parenthood. I honestly do not see ANY difference between a biological child and an adopted child. One can trust me on that, because we have adopted 2 amazing babies and we LOVE them like crazy.

Once you decide to go thru adoption, before you start anything, before you even search for an agency, learn one major thing – PATIENCE :) Of course patience is required for everything in life. But you need it more in this case, and your adoption journey will be very smooth if you have patience!

In our case, once we decided to adopt, our family on both sides were very supportive. In case the parents on any side are not in favor of adoption, it is best to wait and convince them before proceeding with adoption. This is because, in the future it may have a negative impact on the child. Imagine one of the grandparent being distant or passing a negative remark towards the child. So best is to get both side grandparents on board.

Now comes choosing the adoption agency. A good thing about this is that there is one central place where all the agencies in India are supposed to register and abide by the rules stated by this central body. It is called CARA (Central Adoption Resource Authority) and their website is as follows - adoptionindia.nic.in

All the registered agencies are listed here with the contact details, from all over the state.

The way we chose our adoption agency was by hearing everything about the agency from our friends who had already adopted a kid from this place. So it was an easy choice for us, as we were fully satisfied with the way this agency operated. The only glitch being it was in a different state from where we lived. We did a bit of research on other local agencies and on few other out-of-the-state agencies. But we stuck with our first choice since we realized it was perfect for us.

So the first step is to login to the CARA website, and register for adoption. As part of the registration process, one has to choose the adoption agency. I would suggest that one visit the agency, and talk to the social worker in the agency before registering. One can go ahead and register online, only if they feel satisfied about the agency. Once the registration on CARA website is complete, please contact (call) the adoption agency where you just registered.

When we registered for our first child, the rules were different. We did not have to register on CARA website. We sent out an email to our agency expressing our interest to adopt a child from their agency. They responded immediately and we were asked to fill a detailed application form and send it back to the agency. After the agency scrutinized the document, we were given the list of documents that we had to send, and few more forms to fill. This took sometime. After we sent everything, the agency registered our names. The first thing we wanted to know was when we will be called to see the child. And they informed us that the waiting period was around 18 months! The reason being, availability of child, and the number of parents who wanted to adopt.

Below are the documents that we had to send to the agency:

1. Application form (basic information about ourselves, and about our expectations from the prospective child.)
2. Self assessment form separate for husband and wife (this document talks about our childhood, our family, our personality etc)
3. Income certificate for both parents
4. Investment certificates
5. Health reports (medical certificate)
6. HIV report
7. Statement on adoption (jointly written by husband and wife indicating the reason for not having biological child, and the reason they chose adoption)
8. Reference letters from 3 friends
9. Marriage certificate
10. Birth date proof
11. Education/degree certificates
12. Undertaking Letter (on a Rs.100 stamp paper, to be given by a relative couple younger than 40 years, stating that they will take care of the child, if anything happens to the parents)
13. Police clearance certificate for both (to be obtained from police commissioner's office of that city)
14. Child care plans
15. Photograph (of home, and of the couple)
16. Registration fee (Rs.200)

The police clearance certificate takes some time, so we sent all the documents except this. The Police Commissioner's office sent the police certificate directly to our agency.

Once the registration process was done, our agency mentioned that we had to attend a “parent preparation workshop” which was mandatory. I really hope that all the agencies in India conduct such workshops and I hope CARA makes these kind of workshops mandatory for prospective parents wishing to adopt.

It was a very enlightening one-day workshop! It was very very useful and it helped us gain a lot more confidence in adoption! There were around 10 other couples who attended the workshop with us. Initially they walked us thru the whole process that they follow. They mentioned how a child enters the adoption agency, and what happens after a child enters the agency, till the child is placed with a family. They quizzed us about what we thought influenced a child's nature. They had the doctor from the agency talk about babies, and the kind of tests they do once a child arrives at the agency. Basically the workshop clarified ALL our doubts.

There are 2 ways a child can enter any adoption agency – relinquished or abandoned. Relinquished means the child was voluntarily given by the parents or mother to the agency due to their personal circumstances. Abandoned means the child was found by someone, somewhere, and brought to the agency. In either case, there is a rule to wait for minimum of 3 months before the child is made legally available for adoption. In the former case, the agency waits for 3 months for the biological parents to change their mind, in case they want to take back the child. In the latter case, the agency waits for 3 months for the biological parent to be found before they pronounce the child ready for adoption.

One can choose if they want a relinquished child or an abandoned child. In case of a relinquished child, one will get to know the medical history of the child from birth.

While filling out the application form, or during the adoption interview, the agency will ask few basic things that we are looking for in the prospective child. One needs to be clear on what is important to them in a child and make that known to the agency. Few things one may consider are -

-do you want a healthy child or a child with special needs?

-do you want a boy or a girl?

-do you want a relinquished child or an abandoned child?

-the age of the child?

-do you want to know the caste of the child, and if yes, do you have any preference in caste?

-do you have a preference with respect to the skin color?

After attending the workshop, the next big step was the “home-study report”. As I mentioned earlier, for our first kid, the process was different and fairly simpler. The agency wrote directly to the local agency here in our city, and so we just got a call one day form the local agency saying that we have to visit them regarding the “homestudy report”. We visited the agency in our city, and had to submit another set of all the documents that I have mentioned above. After that, the local agency gave us a date when they would visit our home. They visited our house on the planned date, and we had a brief interview with the social worker. After the visit, the local agency sent the “homestudy report” directly to our agency in the other state. The fees for the home visit was Rs.5000.

We kept checking with our agency on the waiting period. As I mentioned, patience is the only saviour :) After exactly 19 months from the date of registration we got the CALL! I was working full time then. We were not sure whether to be excited or nervous. Though we got the call from the agency saying that we were top on the waiting list, and that we should visit the agency for an interview and later may be see a child, there was no guarantee that we would choose/decide a child right then. The social workers in this agency are amazing people. The social worker who was handling our case told me one thing that I can never forget – just think that the labor pain has started now, and the delivery is going to happen soon – writing and thinking about that day is making me emotional!!

My husband and I hurriedly booked the tickets, and informed at work that we had applied for adoption and we have to go on leave for few days. It was best to tell the truth at work. We had no idea how many days it would take, because if we did not choose any child, then we would be back home in just few days. But if we decided to adopt a child, then it would take around 10 days because of the legalities involved.

We visited the agency, and had lengthy discussions with the social worker about the whole process and our expectations. The first half of the day went by, and they mentioned that they would propose a child that afternoon. We were really nervous; we had a quick lunch at a nearby place and went back to the agency.

It was THE day we met our first kid!!

After the baby is shown, the agency shows the parents the medical file of the child which contains all the medical history of the child, from birth (if the child is relinquished), including all the tests conducted, immunization details and any illnesses since birth. The parents are also allowed to do any medical tests or get a second opinion from a paediatrician for the baby outside the agency, if needed.

Once the baby is chosen by the parents, the parents are required to fill out few documents, and it usually takes around 4-5 days to file for adoption in the court. Once the case is filed, the baby is given to the parents along with a legal document stating the parents as “foster parents”. After this, the parents can take the child home.

The parents have to send progress report of the child every 15 days to the agency till the court hearing.

Post adoption study report – this happens after the case is filed in the court, and before the court hearing. The post adoption study is done by a local agency, where they come to the house to see how the new child is doing in the new house, whether the child has adopted well, etc. The local agency sends the progress report to the agency directly, and the agency has to submit this report to the court.

It took roughly around 3-4 months for the actual court hearing. This happens in front of the judge, in the judge’s chamber usually, where the parents bring the child to be adopted, and once this is done, the parents become the legal parents of the child, and the adoption process is complete!

After the court hearing, the court gives the document stating the parents and child as legally adopted. After this the parents apply for the birth certificate. The parents have to send a lengthy progress report for the child once every 3 months to the agency, to the court and to ICSW (Indian Council of Social Welfare).

The above mentioned process was for our first child.

We always wanted to have 2 kids, so we decided to go ahead and register for our 2^nd child once our first one was little older. One would think that adopting a 2^nd child would be very easy, as we had already gone thru the process once. But it was more complicated and lengthy as CARA had changed few rules. They have made new rules for inter-state adoption.

As mentioned earlier, now the first step is to register on CARA website: adoptionindia.nic.in

Then choose the agency. After the registration is complete, call the agency you have chosen and talk to the social worker about the process. It will take some time to send all the documents required to the agency. Once you submit the documents to the agency, the same documents have to be uploaded on the CARA website as well.

After submitting all the documents, one has to wait for the home-study to be completed. With the new rules, for any inter-state adoption, SARA comes into picture. SARA is the state body in charge of each state.

After 8 months from the date we registered for our 2^nd kid, we got a mail form our agency stating that CARA has laid down new policies for inter-state adoption. So we were asked to register online on the CARA website, and then contact our local SARA to refer our case to the SARA of the state in which our agency was based. We contacted our local SARA and requested them to start the home-study process. They mentioned that they were not going to initiate anything till they received a request from the other state SARA. Our agency mentioned that the other state SARA was not going to send any request. The new rules were laid by CARA, but no one seemed to know the exact rules. We had such a tough time coordinating between 2 state’s SARA offices. Finally our agency gave us the contact info of the outside state SARA. I had to call them many times and explain everything, and finally they agreed to send a request to our local SARA asking them to initiate the home study process.

After close to 2 months from when we got an email from our agency regarding the new rules, the outside state SARA sent a letter to our local SARA. After that we had to follow up with our local SARA to start the process; they referred our case to ACA (Adoption Coordinating Agency), who do the actual home visit and they send the report to SARA. Again this whole process took sometime, and needed follow-ups at every stage.

April 7 – got the mail form our agency about the new rule, and asking us to initiate the home-study.

May 21 – Outside state SARA sent letter to local SARA

July 24 - ACA sent the report to local SARA

August 12 - local SARA said they sent the report to outside state SARA thru speed post.

We waited till August end, and later called our agency to check if they had received our home-study report. They said they were still waiting to get the report from the outside state SARA.

Every month I used to check with our agency on the home-study report. Our agency mentioned that they are following up with the outside state SARA closely. We had no idea why it was taking so long for the outside state SARA to send the report to the agency which was in the same city.

November 10 – After lot of phone calls from me to the outside state SARA and our local SARA, I got to know that the outside state SARA had not received our home-study report!! Our original home-study report was lost!

Finally, I personally had to visit the ACA office, who had done our home study report, collect another copy of the report, hand it over to local SARA, and get it couriered to our agency directly.

The less said about our experience the better. It took us 7 months to get our home-study report!!

2 months after that, we got a call from the agency saying our waiting period was over! The same joy took over us, one of labor pain :D. We hurriedly booked our tickets, packed and took our little one along with us. The rest of the procedure was the same. After the morning lengthy discussions with the social worker, we were shown our 2^nd baby :) After we decided to adopt the child, we had to wait 5-6 days in the same city, before we could file for adoption in the court, and the same day we left with our 2 lil babies back home :)

We had to complete the post adoption study before the court hearing. We had to initiate the process with our local ACA, who had done our home-study earlier. This was done and the ACA sent the report to our agency directly.

This time it took 6 months, before we got a date for the court hearing. We met the judge during the court hearing with our 2 kids, and the legal procedure was completed.

Now we are the HAPPIEST PARENTS of 2 most adorable children :) :)

Kindly Note: 
Since August 1st, 2015, the processes have changed. To give a summary, the prospective parent has to register online like before on the CARA website and upload the required documents. During the registration process, one has to choose the preferred state from which they want to adopt or can choose any state in India. The second point is choosing an agency to complete the Home Study Report. For this category, one has to choose a local agency where they are residing.


The second major difference is that, after the homestudy is completed, prospective parents will receive an email with details of 6 children along with their photos and medical/any other history of the child, based on the preferences given during registration. The prospective parent has to select/reserve one child out of the 6 kids. 


Kindly refer to the CARA new guidelines link for details : http://cara.nic.in/InnerContent.aspx?Id=163#Guidelines%20-%202015


Since the guidelines are new, it is best to call the CARA helpline number, which I have heard is good in responding to queries. Here is the number: 1800-11-1311