The courage to be me

 Woah, WOW, is what I feel right now. Everyday is a new experience in life for everyone. Even if it is the same thing we do every single day, there will be a difference in each day, maybe subtle or strong, but it is there.

We had an exciting one week at work - 

sports week - Monday to Saturday

whole group energy

physical activity

sun

sweat

fear of rain

warm up dance/movements

Friday - whole day fun

Saturday - cross valley run of 5km, events, obstacle race, muddy puddle jump

class after work

Though it was a packed one, we did not complain in spite of the extreme exhaustion.

The reason for this post - building confidence in myself. I have been told to do things as if no one is watching by many as I am very self conscious. My lack of confidence shows up in various forms everywhere. 

I often seek company to do everything even though I have done many things on my own and alone. It is not about doing many things, but even after doing things alone, I have not been confident enough to do it again!

The fears and doubts show on my face. I am wondering about the reason. One major fear is about others judging me. I give a lot of importance to others! 

Even though I have a crazy number of fears and doubts, I am doing it. I guess that's the important part - doing it in spite of the fears and doubts.

Ok, this post has been more about working backwards as though I wanted to write about my excitement, I was not sure what I wanted to convey! Now, after typing the above I can say that this post has been about realizing that I have the courage needed to be myself, of course with a lot of help - help at different stages, help from different people, help in subtle ways, obvious ways, directly. 

Thank you

Ending the week with my favourite 

Keeping the balance

Seesaw

 Ok, so my journey last week has been from a bud to a fully bloomed flower!

Continuing my conversation from my last post, I realize now how a gorgeous lotus plant has become my buddy at work. How can a plant become or replace a human being as a friend? What is a friend or any relation? Anything that we show care for. So in that sense, the amount of time I have spent thinking or caring for the plant has made it my best friend. Of course, I have not done anything physically - I did not plant, I did not do anything physically to make sure the plant was growing well. The only thing I did was my thinking about it during the whole journey. I don't know if it did anything to the plant. But it did something magical to me, especially when I was muddled up in my own drama.

Everything we do in life is because it does something amazing to us. Everytime we do something for others, it is because it is fulfilling something in us, and hence we even think of doing. So, the next picture that comes to my mind as I write this is a picture of a seesaw. One end/person is always up or down. Everything in life is so frequently defined as either 

up or down

glory or condemnation

success or failure

wow or blaa

....list can go on.

What I am trying to tell myself is that just because something is considered superior, does not mean everything else is lower and just because something is considered lower doesn't mean everything else is superior. The balance of the seesaw is very important and the moment we start seeing everything and everyone in one perfect straight line we have created that balance in life and are in perfect harmony with everything  

                                            

The lotus kept changing direction every few hours.

And one by one, all the petals fell

While the lotus became my buddy at work, the gorgeous Brahmakamala became my companion at home.

Tried drawing a lotus, but flopped

A SEESAW 😀

Balancing the seesaw 😀❤ 

My friends

Today is Friendship Day.

I googled the reason behind celebrating friendship day and the internet showed many reasons, a few being - to celebrate friendship, to express gratitude towards friends, to promote global peace, to express the strength of human connection....

Any reason to recognize a (any) relationship and human connection is worth celebrating! 

In a world where phones are being used for everything else other than to make calls and type messages to friends/family, it is nice to see messages or phone calls on such special days. 

We are social beings and every connection, bond, relationship has its value. Any bond that is honest and fun is beautiful and worth cherishing. 

Today I had 2 classes - one was offline and with other people , and another was online and alone. I had fun in both the classes. May be more fun in the latter as I was more carefree and myself. The reason I am talking about this is to emphasise that a friend can come into our life in any form. We can be our own friend too. In fact the only reliable friend who is always there for us is ourselves. It is practically impossible for anyone else to - 

be there for us when we need them all the time,  

to do things we love

to listen to us all the time

to motivate us

to cry with us

to laugh with us all the time

The best way in life is to do different things with different people, and even better is to learn to be our best friend! I enjoyed being alone and doing all the things I love today all the while having loads of fun!

Fun with friends and family - old, young, same age

Friends with children

Friend with the ever present sky

Friend with the moon

Friend to myself

Friend with rain

Friend with craziness

Friend with nature

Choose your friendship

Friends with flowers

Cheers to all kinds of friendship

Self-care

For many days, one of the main thoughts running in my head is about self-care. 

What is self-care? Caring for one self? Thinking only about the well being of one self? 

Like everyone else (or just like a few others), I keep going on the huge roller coaster ride called life! I am calling the roller coaster huge as lately it feels like the drops are as thrilling as the highs. While earlier the highs and lows were equally placed, these days it feels like the drops like to take their own sweet time and don't want to make space for the highs. 

Naturally, I am trying a few things to make the highs come more often. One of them being my new class. I am so glad to have found this class as I find it very different from any of the other classes/schools I have come across in terms of the way it is conducted. And one stark remarkable quality about this class is ZERO comparison! The reason it is possible to have zero comparison is because I don't get to see any other participants even though there are 1000s of students. It is a live YouTube class, and the instructor/facilitator/teacher keeps telling us to just do our best and not necessarily to do everything if we are not able to. There is no comparison whatsoever from the teacher or from myself as I have no idea what others are doing, but I am still doing my best.

When someone says,  "When a second grader can solve this, why can't you solve being in nth grade?" to a nth grader, what is the child in nth grade supposed to feel or do?

When someone else says, "When she can do it, why can't you do it?" to a 40 year old adult, what is the adult supposed to do?

The world loves comparison - at every single stage in life.  

Coming back to the class I am taking, because there is zero comparison, I am in the moment, enjoying everyday, even though I am exhausted. This is teaching me to do more and more things for myself, without listening to what the outer noise is saying. I am not proud to say that taking care of myself does not come naturally to me. To prioritize myself without feeling the guilt has been a challenge. But I am slowly learning it and trying to make it a part of my routine. 

I came across a book in which the author talks about how she took a 100-day-self care-challenge. I am thinking about it 

Anyone want to take it up? Let me know 

Each petal is different 😛

Cannot compare a lotus with a water lily